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The Real, True And Unexplainable Rules Of Dressage
from Gail Schnars & Sarah Patrick

A dressage test is a test of your skill against another competitor's luck.

Dressage is about achieving a harmonious working relationship with your horse, whose only idea of harmony is eating grass in a field.

If you want to end a drought or dry spell, wear a new jacket and Patey hat to an outdoor arena.

Untalented, difficult, aggressive horses have robust health and long lives.

Talented tractable horses are accident prone.

You will ride the best test of your entire life just prior to being disqualified for not wearing your gloves.

Horses do not improve their paces because you are wearing expensive German jodhpurs.

If you chose a disco theme for your dressage to music test then the judge will not be less than 90 years of age.

The less skilled the rider, the more likely they are to share their ideas and advice on riding a test.

 If you are considering the services of a horse clairvoyant to help you with training then you have reached the point of total desperation - try the German jodhpurs instead.

If you fall off your horse in the arena you will have paid to have the test videoed.

If you are feeling confident before a show then three of the British team and one leading eventer will turn up to give their young horses some "experience."

Your horse will perform its best piaffe ever when you ask for extended canter.

No one cheats at dressage because no one has worked out how to.

It is surprisingly easy to end a test with a perfect square halt once you have scored a four for every other movement.

 

   

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