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Horsey Humor


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Equine Etiquette
from Lita Dove

Art of Snorting Humans like to be snorted on. Everywhere. 
It is your duty, as the family horse, to accommodate them.
Chewing Make a contribution to the architectural industry....
chew on your stall wall, the fence or any other wooden item.
Clean Sheets As soon as your human puts down fresh shavings, it is your job to urinate in the middle to let your human know how much you appreciate her hard work.
Doors Any door, even partially open, is always an invitation for you and your human to exercise. Bolt out of the door and trot around, just out of reach of your human, who will frantically run after and chase you. The longer it goes on, the more fun it is for all involved.
Hay Always pull all of your hay out of the hay
rack, especially right after your stall has been cleaned, so you can mix the hay
with your fresh bedding. This challenges your human, the next time they're
cleaning your stall - and we all know how humans love a challenge (that's what
they said when they bought you as a two year old, right?).
Holes Rather than pawing and digging a BIG hole in the middle of
the paddock or stall and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all
over so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of
each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in
the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem. 
Neighing As a horse, you are expected to neigh.  Neigh a lot.  Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting the barn and communicating with other horses, especially at night when they are sleeping.  There is no more secure feeling for a human than waking up in the middle of the night and hearing you.  
Stomping Cats When standing on cross ties, make sure you never
--- quite ---stomp on the barn cat's tail. It spoils all the fun.
Nuzzling Always take a BIG drink from your water trough immediately before nuzzling your human. Humans prefer clean muzzles. Be ready to rub your head on the area of your human that you just nuzzled to dry it off, too.
Visitors Quickly determine which guest is afraid of horses. Rock back and forth on the cross-ties, neighing loudly and pawing playfully at this person. If the human backs away and starts crying, swoosh your tail, stamp your feet and nicker gently to show your concern.

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