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How Many Horses Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Thoroughbred: Only 1 and he'll rewire the whole barn while he's at it

How Many Riders Does It Take
To Change a Light Bulb?
from Lita Dove
Author:  Anon.

Endurance Rider: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse / respiration / hydration levels to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb. 
Um, any chance that the light bulb could assist me in my conditioning regimen.....
Dressage Queen: Me? Change a light bulb?  Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought!
Classical Dressage Queen: These things can not be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true 
self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb.
That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.
Eventer Hmm, as soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large stone wall (whilst riding Hell For Leather cross- country) I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It will put hair on your 
chest. Only prissy Dressage Queens require lights, anyway.
Show Jumper: Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my ass. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.
Natural Horseman You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video available at $99.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get video 
thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs should.

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