Top 10

Proposed Rule Changes for Horse Shows

Reprinted with permission
July/August 2001


10 1/2. From now on, the rider who spends the most money at the mobile tack store wins. 

10. If a rider absolutely MUST answer his cell phone during his dressage test, then he is required to have call waiting, so the judge can ring through to tell him he's not winning.

9. It should be illegal to x-ray other riders' heads to see if they can really be as dumb as they seem. 

8. AHSA and USET have to conduct a cut-throat game of rock-paper-scissors right now to decide who's in charge, once and for all. 

7. At the next Olympics, horses who cross-entered synchronized swimming can use their swim scores as qualifying scores for the individual dressage freestyle. 

6.  You don't have to own your mount to ride in Amateur Owner; you only have to own the financial institution where the horse's owner keeps all of her money. 

5.  White breeches may not be worn after Labor Day. 

4. No eating Cheez-Doodles near gray horses.  That orange dust never comes out. 

3. Bay horses who call roan ponies 'roany-baloney' and make them cry, shall be reprimanded for unsportsmanlike behavior.

2. Before you can own a horse, you have to keep two of these entities alive (but not necessarily healthy) for at least a year: houseplant, cat, bacteria, pet rock or cockroach. 

And the best proposed rule modification for Horse Shows:   At very rainy shows, you have to wait an hour after eating before going into the ring. 

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